uncle nag

In the course of merely one week, during hari raya;

Cubala cakap baik-baik sikit..!

Afiq, nak ketupat please. Cuba cakap..?

Kalau orang tolong ambik ketupat kita cakap apa..?

Kalau orang cakap ‘thank you’ kita cakap apa..?

Pakcik cubit Aiman sakit tak? Haaa..! Aiman jangan la pukul-pukul orang, sakit la!

Janji dulu Aiman tanak pukul orang dah lepas ni..!?

Aiman! Tadi janji apa..!?

Aimi, nah lukis kat buku, lukis kat buku. Dah jangan conteng atas meja la..!

Lagi sekali ko cakap ‘bodoh’, kena ko ngan aku..!

Cuba la belajar sabar sikit..! Bukan semua benda yang kita nak masa ni, kita dapat masa ni..!

Nantila duluu! Pakcik ada kerja ni..!

Macam ni, macam ni. Bukan macam tu..! orang ajar ni dengar la!

Jangan main pintu la!

Farha, please sit properly..!

Dah la tu Farha diamlah. Dah diam diam!

Dah la tu Izat! Biarla dia nak cakap apapun..!

I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry. I don’t really care if I’m Uncle Unpopular or Uncle Uncool. I do care that you guys not grow up to be assholes.

-pakcik moto. Or sometimes, pakcik ‘maludin’-

let the past pass

A: Esok gi raya umah B jom..? Nak tengok gambar C. Nak tau camna perangai dia ni dulu, apa la yg teruk sangat agaknya..
Bijam (nama sebenar yang diolah agar tak obvious sangat): Betul ke? Buat apa..!? Tak payahla wei! Bukan tak payah raya a..tak payahla nak tau sangat dia tu dulu camna..

*********************************************

The way I see it, the past is past. A lot of people have a past that they would want to forget, or one they wished never happened, or one they aren’t too keen or too proud to share. And they have every right to feel that way. Because it’s their past. And furthermore, if I am friends with someone (or if I am to have a relationship, or is in a relationship with someone -whichever is applicable), I would very much like to trust her/his judgment. This is to say that; if she/he thinks it’s important for that past to be shared with me, or if I am an important enough person for her/him to share it with, then whatever it is that’s in the past shall be shared, when the time is right. If not, I’d be very happy to share the present and whatever it is that’s in store for the future. I mean, why go looking for something that might make you unhappy? Friendships and relationships should never be like a tribunal or whatever. Penatlah kalau macam tu..

People always have their own reasons for doing whatever they did -maybe the reasons might not be, well, respectable, or decent, but that is besides the point- and I never thought it obligatory for anyone to share what they did, why they did it, or whatever; but only to the extent that if I’ve a skeleton in my closet, I’d rather the people dearest to me know about it from my own mouth rather than from someone else’s.

But what do I know? I’ve been very lucky to be surrounded by honest and sincere people, and I find that I usually see the world with a child’s worldview, so maybe I’m being naïve and too trusting (then again, is there any such thing as ‘too trusting’ in a friendship?), I don’t know. I’ll live and learn I guess. For the time being though, I think I'll just let the past pass.

the spirit of seeking

Clicking happily, I stumbled upon this site; flashearth which has maps, or rather, satellite images of places on earth. Way cool huh? Being the geek that I am, I looked for places I frequented most, captured them, and post them here, for your viewing pleasure (and just in case someone wants to seek me, for whatever reasons). Maps courtesy of google maps;

(Above map showing) The IIUM Matriculation Centre and Universiti Malaya. Rimba Ilmu was labeled due to its significance, in the sense that it's big enough to be labeled :) My lab is a remote one in Pusat Asasi Sains, seen here alongside 'parking moto Jibam', marked with a big, red dot, supposedly emphasizing its importance.

(Above map showing) Universiti Malaya and IIUMMC, sans the silly red markings. Putting this map along with the one with silly red markings (above the above map) is pointless since both are roughly the same map. But this is my blog.

(Above map showing) Twelfth Residential College, Universiti Malaya. Sapa-sapa free datang a beraya bilik aku. As with most other maps in this entry, 'parking moto Jibam' is marked with a big red dot, in this map accompanied by a fancy-looking arrow.

(Above map showing) Faculty of Computer Science and Information Technology, Universiti Malaya. Siap kereta-kereta semua ada tu. Misti bukan image masa raya ni. Notice the red dot and fancy-looking arrow? Good.

(Above map showing) Department of Geology, Faculty of Science, Universiti Malaya. This time, the red dot marks Jasim's lab, where Jibam spends an ample amount of time since his own lab is a primitive one and is devoid of internet.

(Above map showing) The IIUM Matriculation Centre. No red dots and fancy arrows, because, well, umm..because sometimes I like it that way.

The Science Building, where most of my classes are held. The IIUMMC have some complicated names for their buildings like The Small Web, The Central Spine, etc. Macam Star Trek ke apa tah

As hari raya looms, there's always something we seek. We seek for our alongs and angahs, for that good looking distant cousin whose name we've forgotten, for the murukku to fill the sixth of our six balang kuehs, for the lampu liplaps and pelita minyak tanahs, for sofas and curtains, for whatever it is that we think will make our hari raya perfect. Most important of all, we seek for forgiveness. Without that, Aidilfitri will never be perfect.

Selamat Hari Raya to all muslims. Have a joyous and prosperous Eid, wherever you are. Even in places so distant from myself that I can only search using flashearth. For those who know me, I seek your forgiveness on this beautiful occasion.

May we all find what we seek. This is Jibam, signing off (rasa cam cool gila main2 'signing off'. Haha).

the shortcuts of my life

Saturday I broke fast at Zainul with my good friend Rauhan and his brother. Rauhan uttered the 'word' param, which reminded me of various acronyms (OK they're not all acronyms, but you'll get my point) my friends and I frequently used while I was in high school, doing my pre-U (in Banting, or McBee we used to call it; inspired by the acronym for Mara College, Banting-MCB), my undergrad years, and even nowadays. Here are some which I still remember (or rather, can't shake off my head. There are lots, so I put them into different categories, for your reading pleasure :p basically, the first acronym in each category is the 'winner'; most hillarious, most memorable. most unique, etc.);

People
brupuk - brutal bapuk. When I was in high school, we got a teacher who was a former prison warden, so we never, ever underestimated our teachers. One day there was this new teacher (guru pelatih) who looked like he's capable of doing very violent things. Then he opened his mouth.. and a new word entered our vocabulary. First time heard uttered by: Simen
judut - jubor sedut. Some people chose to not wear underwear under their kain pelikat. And after a long bersila session, they got up. Then and there, this phenomena might be seen
jumanji - jubor mantap jitu. Bootylicious!
kabasbat - kaki balas sms lambat

Relationship
KREM - cramp. See, this one's real unique because the acronym isn't really krem or cramp. It's the translation; KeJang which is the real acronym (of Kelab Bujang). First heard uttered by: Aida. I caught this one while in 5th college. The 'club' was for the single girls in college, as an answer to the various male-initiated (and largely male-dominated) clubs and/or societies;
i) KeJiL - Kelab Jiwa Luka. Heart broken? Here's your support group!
ii) ATATH - also a club, ATATH is the acronym for 'Aku Tau Aku Tak Hensem'
iii) LeTYH - Lelaki Terabai Yang Hensem. Supposedly a club for single males with sufficient amount of self-esteem to ask the question; I'm good looking, ain't I? (as opposed to ATATH members)
All these 'clubs' usually have one common activity in their main agenda;
bici - bicara cinta. Sounded harsh (as-in; bitchy) so it stayed. Some dub it 'post-mortem'

Food & Beverage
cekote - cekodok sate. One of the most common kueh sold in almost EVERY cafe in UM; three (sometimes four. Or even five, depending on the cekodok size) cekodok pisang on a stick. This one got me laughing non-stop for, like, 5 minutes or so. First time heard uttered by: Arab
param - pasar Ramadhan
palam - pasar malam
palampalam - pasar malam pantai dalam
naslem - nasik lemak
bancau - bandung cincau
kote - kopi teh. Maybe it was some misunderstanding, maybe it was deliberate, and very likely; maybe it was just plain mishap, but sometimes dining hall makciks and pakciks used to get our beverages mixed-up (excuse the pun). Sarsi sabun, Sirap sabun, and in this case; coffee and tea, all rolled into one. I don't recall us complaining though. Mostly we just laughed it off

Nature's call (actually a more appropriate name would be 'filthy things' but what the hell)
tahibur - taik burung. I chose this one as the 'winner' of this category due to its simplicity and stupidity; I mean, what's the point of having this acronym anyway? Why don't you simply say; taik burung? First time heard uttered by: Zaid
raken - raja kentut. 'Ken' is pronounced as-in 'Ken' from 'Street Fighter' so it sounded kind of stylish in a twisted way. And hillarious
kohi - korek idung
kohigen - korek idung gentel
kobon - korek bontot

Various
kubiak - kunci bilik aku. This one turned Kuman into a violent, shaking-like-crazy, laughing-uncontrollably man. The sound is both peculiar and familiar. And hillarious, no doubt. First time heard uttered by: Arab
sejgil - sejuk gila. This is one acronym which I think I overused (abused?) while at Banting. My (former) roommate used to hate it so much when I uttered this one. I think he still does. Betul ke Jeg?
takeng - tak ingat (not like 'taking', it's 'tak, eng'). Used as 'kata penguat', as-in; sedap tak ingat (akin to sedap gila): sedap takeng. First time heard uttered by; takeng (here, it is not used as kata penguat. I simply can't remember who used this first). But most overused by: Jeg
sodom - solat dalam dorm. When I was in high school, the wardens made it compulsory to go to the musalla to pray. Only the seniors and some mencabar maut juniors do it in the dorm

So there, people, the words which made my life all the more merrier. They're like shortcuts. And they're mostly fun. And hillarious. I might've forgotten some, so.. a li'l help? Stone? Popo? Kuman? Anymore? Aku takeng a...

p/s: New acronyms are also welcome. I'm open to suggestions. Totally.

random access memory

I have a pretty good memory. I rarely forget. So when people talk about how they'd forgotten and eaten during Ramadhan, I only listen.

When I do it, it's never due to forgetfulness. It's always deliberate :p

tag me

Tagged by Boro;

1. Lima celebrity seluruh dunia yang saya nak ajak dia ke rumah saya jika ada party besar-besaran ialah..
Kirsten Dunst - broadest, most sincere smile that says 'I'm fun, wanna party?' (Cameron Diaz, Julia Roberts and/or Brittany Murphy have my consent to replace her if she declined)
Manchester United class of '99 - when lots of them still do it for the love of the game, inside and outside the game and hey, if you win three major thropies, PARTEYY!!
Jamie Oliver - (not to cook though) the UK's favorite chef. And is he not Australian?
Jack Black - this is a huge party of mine, no?
The Beatles - everytime I listen to their songs I'd be convinced I was born in the wrong decade

2. Lima orang yang saya nak bersalam dengan..
Presiden Iran sebab bagi aku dia berani gila
Keanu Reeves because I read somewhere that he had a great big heart
Socrates - the thinking soccer player
Rob Thomas - the thinking rocker
Eric Cantona - who wouldn't wanna shake hands with King Cantona? Dia penah datang Malaysia main beach football beb!!

3. Lima orang berbontot paling seksi dan saya kagum..
Kylie Minogue *drool* - umm because *drool* ..because *drool* need I say more?
Rihanna because I think the list of people with remarkable asses would never be complete without someone from her racial demography. 'nuff said
Priyanka Chopra - it seems like I'm determined to let this category not be racially influenced, no? Or is it the other way around?
Roxana Diaz - when choosing someone from Europe, go Iberian
Inul Daratista - gerrrrudiiiii!! LOL

4. Lima manusia yang kalau saya dating dgn mereka, saya kemungkinan besar akan rasa cam nak bawak balikkkk je...
OK I changed this category a bit because I don't really know whether or not I'd wanna take them back home before actually going on a date with them. Lurus bendul tak aku? But here goes;
Cate Blanchett - she seems really fun (in Bandits). And smart. And funny
Jennifer Conelly - she has the kindest of smiles and the most captivating eyes
Monica Potter - bukan manusia tetapi anak kucing
Uma Thurman - I read somewhere that 'when Uma opens her mouth, you'll never get bored'. I don't assume she plays ping pong with her mouth. And I could always use a good conversation
Takako Tokiwa - when she walks, she slices the air with her cheekbones

5. Ish..semuanye berunsurkan lagho lah meme saya ni..meh masukkan unsur ramadhan sikit..Ok, number lima..siapa yang saya ingin mintak maaf sempena ramadhan al-mubarak yang mulia ini..
Pak Lah sebab aku selalu kutuk dia. Sori Pak Lah
Arwah Yus roommate Jep dulu. Sebab dulu aku selalu kutuk dia
Salihin Baba sebab aku selalu kutuk dia. Tapi unlikely kot. Tapi kalau dia baca ni, sori beb!
Lipeh sebab aku selalu kutuk dia. Sori Lipeh
Apai sebab aku selalu kutuk dia. Sori Apai

Dan meme in aku tujukan kepada: Stone (lagi), Meme, Kuman dan Yana

gracy?you there?yoohoo!?

I suck at taking personality tests because usually I answer them in a manner that indicates who I want to be, not who I really am. Anyhow, I discovered today that I'm the laissez faire kind of teacher (not sure I spelt that right. And I discovered this not through any personality tests; I just read some article and felt that 'laissez faire' described me spot on). That means I make moderate preparations for class, don't place too much demands on my students, emphasizes that my students be comfortable in class (as-in; not nagging and such, even when nagging is required). In short, I'm the permissive type. Not bad I guess. But not good.

There are four types; authoritharian, authoritative, laissez faire and indifferent; with 'authoritarian' placing 'control in class' as the main priority and 'student power' almost non-existent, and 'indifferent' being the most laid-back, I'm-only-teaching-because-I-need-my-paycheck-at-the-end-of-this-month type. I think you get my point. So I'm stuck in the middle. I'd love to one day be the authoritative type. Because my experience as a student tells me that both the authoritharian and indifferent classes suck, and I think I'm being laissez faire as a result of my leadership. Or rather, lack of it. Lack of time has sometimes forced me to not prepare adequately for class, which in turn resulted in fading interests from the students. I like to tell them stories, relate with them, guide them. Because as cliched as it may sound, the youths of today is the nation's treasure. And I hope to one day be better. Not just longer-tailed piggy better. Just better.

When you love something, or someone, you adapt and improve. And grow

Anyhow, I got into this one awkward situation during one of my classes. I'm writing this down as a result of my reading this, although the circumstances are vastly different. Where I teach, as usual there will be this soal selidik thingy at the end of each semester, where students get the chance to get back at their lecturer/teacher courtesy of an evaluation form. So this staff I meet regularly at the office came to my class to conduct such evaluation process. She had been to two of my other classes and this would be the last, since I only teach three groups. I don't think I had ever said or did anything to indicate that I disliked her (I've never done anything to indicate I do like her but that is besides the point) so I was totally baffled when she said this; "inila last soal selidik ni, lepas ni dah tak payahla jumpa saya lagi dah.." I was, like, what is she suggesting? Alas, as I usually do when faced with such situations, I approached this one with humor; "alamak! Gaji tak dapat lagi ni.. kalau tak, bole buat majlis perpisahan". She laughed. Bless my quick thinking.

I use humor a lot. Including when facing awkward situations. But I think the way to approach awkward situations like these is with grace, always. Betul tak aku cakap ni? Compliments, criticisms, any awkward situations; when facing them, we should at the very least try to be graceful. And there are people who are very good with this. They even write books sometimes. They tread through these awkward situations so gracefully it just seem so natural and effortless; "thank you, you're too kind. But there's still much to be done" or "I value your feedback but surely I did not do that badly". And always with a smile. And they do it with such finesse that the one who threw the compliment(s) or criticism(s) can only smile back. In awe.

One day I might be able to pull this gracie-macie stuff. For the time being I'll just rely on humor :) I'll end with this quote which I find mildly funny but adequately inspiring;

Couldas and Shouldas don't count. If you Coulda and Shoulda, you Woulda

piggy pastimes

Mostly just bollocks. But damn funny. I'm looking to get into the piggy hall of fame.

Try it people! HAHAHA

Blog aku haram ke sekarang a..?

Dirk Kuyt is huyt

When people talk about the national teams, no-one ever talks about the money they make, it's always about the pride of playing for your country

-Rafa Benitez, on his rant related to Dirk Kuyt's injury.

This can easily be misinterpreted can't it?

early birds

This at 8.30 a.m Friday:

Student 1: sir, sir ni anak bongsu ke..?
Me : eh takde ah
Student 1: ....
Me: apsal ko teka aku anak bongsu lak?
Student 1: sebab sir ni nampak cam ceria je. Gaya ada cam lain sikit
Student 2: ha'a. Nampak cam budak2 je. Awet muda kot
Me: haha takdelah. Korang ni pandai2 je. Blah a wei! Janganla harap nak dapat markah lebih..
Student 2: sir ada berapa orang adik sir..?
Me: 5
Student 1: oooh. Jauh meleset kita teka ni Sholi
Student 2: tu la pasal
Student 1: sir abes belaja terus jadi lecturer kat sini ke..?umur sir mesti dalam 23 gitu kan?
Me: 23?
Student 1: betul tak? tapi nampak cam 2-3 tahun lagi muda a. Gaya pun cam budak2 lagi. Dengan beg sir tu lagi.. (referring to my 'Bella Italia' beg. It looks somewhat similar to a shopping bag. Some of my friends refer to it as 'beg pompuan mengandung' HAHA but hey, not everybody has a bag made by the Italians, huh? *thanx Jasim!*). Gaya sir macam 'anak emak' sebab tu kitorang teka sir anak bongsu (Cis! Anak emak?)

So early in the morning, two nineteen year olds just made my day, 'anak emak' comment notwithstanding. Fridays are sooo cool :)

Meme: 23! In your face bebeh! In your face! Happy Belated 24th Birthday to you, again :p

makan bersama anak2 raja

Cam biasa aku bukak puasa kat masjid petang tadi. Arini dia buat pelik sikit; satu hidang tu 6 orang makan (biasanya 4 orang) dan arrangement lauk dia agak menarik; ada 3 jenis lauk,tapi portion untuk 4 orang setiap lauk. Menarik kan? Kiranya kalau masing-masing ambik sikit2 sorang, semua dapat semua lauk. Kalau masing2 ambik banyak, masing-masing restricted kepada 2 jenis lauk. Eh paham ke ni..? Takpela kalau tak paham memang slow. Anyhow, aku letak nasik je dalam pinggan, tunggu azan baru letak lauk. Aku prefer camtu sebab kalau ada lauk nanti aku horny nak makan terus. Bila azan aku amek la ayam yang tinggal seketul dalam pinggan lauk (orang lain yg sehidang ngan aku semua dah amek lauk awal2 tapi nampaknya mereka tak horny). Kecik je ayam ni, bahagian kepak. bukan macam ayam penuh kat Zainul tu. Ayam yang aku amek ni kecik sikit daripada ibu jari kaki average lelaki. Tak macam ibu jari kaki aku, besar (aku dengar 'anu' laki2 ikut saiz ibu jari kaki. Sebab ni blog aku mesti a aku 'up' sikit. Heh heh). Masa aku amek ayam ni ada sorang mamat yg duduk setentang ngan aku belah kiri usha semacaaam je. Alamak lu dah target ayam ni ke brader? Sori a, aku belum ada lauk langsung lagi dalam pinggan, nasik kosong je. Aku tak penah lagi makan nasik kosong bukak puasa. Aku rasa pengalaman tersebut tidakla best sangat kot so aku amek ayam tu pastu buat dekkk je. Mungkin gak mamat tu pandang slack sebab aku tak pakai kopiah kot, kepala aku bogel je.

Orang KL ni aneh; bukak puasa kat masjid, lepas makan tak payah kemas. Tunggu je caterer kemas. Aku rasa cam idle gila (bukan idol) duduk tak buat apa, so aku kemas pinggan. Sekali ngan Jasim ngan Wan giant (sebab dia besar, bukan sebab dia keje kat Giant. Dia ni pro Mydin). Pinggan mamat ayam yang cam nak bergaduh ngan aku tadi pun aku kemas sebab dia dah belah tinggal pinggan dia. Aneh kan orang KL? Tapi to be fair, mamat sebelah aku cakap loghat Kelantan, mamat ayam yang usha slack kat aku tadi cakap loghat utara, Kedah kot. So maybe aku dah tergeneralize cakap orang KL ni aneh sebab aku berada di KL.

Sebenanya aku suka bukak puasa kat masjid sebab aku tanak makan mewah2. Aku rasa cam defeats the purpose of Ramadhan. Tapi bila pikir2 balik, sebenanya makan kat masjid lagiii bermewah-mewah. Lauk sampai 2, 3 (kalau kat kedai mamak dah berapa tu), hidang siap (kalau makan kat hotel pun kena bangun gi amek menda makan), dah makan tak payah kemas, makanan kadang2 boleh tambah (macam buffet pulak). Free pulak tu. Yang lagi celaka tu; orang2 masjid tu mintak tunggu lepas maghrib wat tahlil sikit untuk ahli keluarga orang2 yang menyumbang untuk bukak puasa tu, tapi jangankan tahlil, ramai yang makan terus belah..maghrib pun tak buat. Waaaah taraf anak raja ni. Datang makan; makanan dah hidang, pastu tak payah kemas tak payah apa, terus belah. Last year lagi best; motor Pak Imam kena curik. Siap esoknya buat announcement lagi.

Mamat ayam tu pun tak nampak muka masa solat maghrib. Entah kenapa dia pakai kopiah pun aku tak tau. Helmet takde kot.

amongst passionless people

Every man dies. Not every man really lives

(from Braveheart)

I work amongst youths. Youths are usually arrogant, eager, expecting something to happen or making things happen, without a care about the world, gung-ho, anti-establishment, with lots of radical views and opinions, the list goes on and on. I mean, it's not like we've never been youths, right? But apparently, that is not the case here. Here, they are mostly just arrogant and passionless. Unenthusiastic. Not all, but most of them. Especially their leaders. And that is a sad, sad thing.

I find it especially sad that the youths here are doing things because of the reward(s) that awaits. OK frankly we're all guilty of looking for the bounty every once in a while, but it seems to me that the youths here are going to the extreme. They're like horny for rewards or something. Their world is mostly just check and balance. No enthusiasm, no passion. Just merit points. Check, and balance. Check, and balance.

I do research on fractals. Conceptually, I work to quantify things that are very hard to quantify, unquantified even, always with the belief that they can and will be quantified. But I've always, always been aware that there are things that cannot be quantified, no matter how hard one tried. There's passion and compassion and enthusiasm and love; the driving forces.

PASSION, people!!

alternatives

Experienced by Memme (hampir nama sebenar) while looking at watches at a watch shoppe;

Question by salesgirl: cari jam ke dik?

Alternative answers:
1)Saya carik basikal untuk anak sedara saya. Pastu patung Barbie ada tak? Ngan buku Pooh..?

2)Saya dengar sini ada shortcut pegi Putrajaya?

3)Cari jodoh. Uncle belakang counter tu single lagi tak?

4)Saya dapati udara dalam kedai ni lebih segar daripada di luar.

5)Tengah test eyesight ni.. Betul ke jam yang nombor dua dari kanan tu tulis ‘Esprit’?

6)Akak pun cari jam ke? Eh sama la kita..!

7)Sini ada kerja kosong tak? Part time jela sebab saya dah ada kerja tetap

8)Duhhhh! (this would be her favorite, without a doubt)

9)Saya tak tau apa yang saya cari, apa yang saya nak dalam hidup ni..tolong nasihatkan saya..? Saya rasa hopeless sangat sekarang ni..

10)Ini negara demokrasi! Berhenti mempersoalkan apa yang saya buat!

Memme (hampir nama sebenar) only managed a mild “ya, cari jam” with a sarcastic tone (but how I wish to see the expression on her face while saying this). I gave her 6.5 out of 10 for that answer along with the expression and sarcasm. A credible score for someone who’s Not That Funny Anyway, NTFA (not to be mistaken with NTFS). Then again, maybe I’m too generous. Ramadhan kot..