colours

Let’s do this; Mr. A, settle whatever it is that needs to be settled with our investors. Find out what they want. Let them know, however, that we’ll commit to this project no matter what they say. Miss B, prepare the statistics; graphs, charts, whatever. Oh and everyone else, like I said, we’ll commit to this project, so be prepared to be called upon. We’ll meet again two days from now to discuss whatever progress. Any questions?

No, no, you shouldn’t have done that! You’re an idiot! You’re all idiots! How can you call this a plan? I don’t want it done like that! What were you thinking? Do as I say, no suggestions!

Oh, we’re totally f**ked! Find a way to get everything UNf**ked! Now, dammit! Call the investors, let them know what happened. Tell them we’ll do what it takes to save this project. Tell them to have faith. Or whatever.

OK, having carried out that project of ours, this is where we went wrong;…. Next time, I suggest we do it like this;….

I think we should do this project, and I think we should do it like this; ….. oh no waitaminute, if we do it like that then maybe this will happen;…. Oh waitaminute, come to think of it, it’s not a bad idea at all. Anyone have any idea? …yeah that’s a good one Mr. C, however, if we do that, we might in the end be faced with…. Oh waitaminute. Hmmmm.. no, no, Miss D, doing it like that would surely end us up in a total f**kup. So no, we won’t entertain that. But waitaminute. It’s an OK suggestion really..

Words in blue is planning. These are cakap positif, because it mainly results in positive things. Words in brown is cakap negatif. When these words are used, people might lose confidence and tend to lose interest in doing whatever is being done. But then again, it might also spur people do to amazingly positive things. Words in violet is disaster recovery. With these words, errors have less impact than they would have. Can be considered cakap positif. Words in green is post mortem, where whatever errors and how a certain plan had been carried out is evaluated at the end of the project, another cakap positif.

These words bring results. It might be negative and/or positive results, but they bring results nevertheless, hence the need for them in any projects.

Words in red, however mild and negotiate-y they might seem, are the most malicious. These words, they are cakap kosong. It rolls everything up, from planning to post mortem, into one discussion before any project got started. This discussion might have taken place a hundred years before, and chances are the project being discussed won’t be taking place in another hundred years, if ever. In short, these words result in projects being stagnant at the discussion stage. Not planning, just mere discussion.

Choose your words carefully. And start doing something, for goodness sake!

That word in bold is called an emphasis, by the way

van driver ordinaire

I enjoy driving a van. Yes, I do. Driving a van is an enjoyable thing for me to do. The very first time I did it was during the UM inter college games when van drivers are scarce. And I was pretty good. Not 'fairly good for someone who never drove a van before' pretty good, just plain pretty good. I mean, some of the passengers actually asked whether I do it regularly (drive a van, not be pretty good. And yeah, I am pretty good on a consistent basis, while we're at that :p). And I am actually saying that without boasting. Seriously.

Thing is -and those who are already sick of this narcissism may go read something on Soccernet or whatever- I only noticed my being pretty good yesterday. I sent some of the girls from the Kelab Penyayang (I'm the advisor of this club. I love unconcitionally, you see) to return some unsold souvenirs to a rumah kebajikan in SS2, which is located just next to a Chinese primary school. And the schoolchildren were finishing their last lessons of the day before heading home, so vehicles were abundant; cars and vans and buses and whatnot. Before long, I had to do an almost impossible manouvre -this included reversing the very long HiAce and slipping through in between cars- through the vehicles. And then, upon stopping, I noticed that we were parked just beside a huge trash container. Pitying the girls, I reversed the van and parked -this is side parking, you see- somewhere else, vehicles abundant on either side of the road.

OK, here's a confession; as Borro would no doubt agree, I drive recklessly -although I'm lucky never to have been involved in any accidents barring the ones while motorcycling- and I have this mild fear of reversing a car. It seemed like the reverse manouvre is where I felt that a car is actually out of my control and I'd have to rely on pure luck to do it successfully. Kinda. Let's just say I'd always feel a mild discomfort when reversing a car. But this feeling is non-existent when I reversed the van. And I actually did not notice this until yesterday! And I assure you that the length and size of the van is not what caused my fear to go missing, as my fear of reversing is actually directly proportional to the size of the car (that is, reversing a Kancil would be much less scary than reversing say, a Perdana).

Rully, who've been at the college longer than I do (and no doubt have had more attempts at driving the van) confessed one day that he'd had his fair share of accidents while driving the HiAce. So I was pretty proud that accidents while driving the HiAce never even crossed my mind. Talent? I don't know. Maybe. And by any chance driving a van skillfully is hardly something to boast about anyway. But I sure enjoy doing it. It feels...natural.

guide to glory and beyond

For those of you who have never used cables, here's a great chance to learn something about them! Cables, as it turns out, have massive potential and its usage is virtually unlimited. For example, did you know that you can use cables to get enrolled into universities? Yes! Yes you can! Amazing isn't it? I did not believe it before, either. But it's a universal truth! It's not an irregular thing. In fact, if you have real powerful cables, you can intercept others. And I'm not talking phone and/or internet lines here, I'm talking about major loans and projects, and, to a lesser extent, getting into universities. And it's legal, too! I mean; when we grow up, we were fed with all this bullshit that people achieve things because they are talented and/or hardworking, or both. Well, shame on those talented and/or hardworking or both people if they've never discovered the usage of cables! Idiots! When will you people learn? I used to be an idiot too, you know. Now I know better..

Have you ever heard of red tapes? It's kinda like those tapes they have in CSI, you know, signifying lines not to be crossed. Kinda. But if you have cables, these red tapes can be crossed at will! I'm not really sure how this is worked out, but I guess cables have a way through red tapes. Or red tapes are no match for cables. Or whatever. It is between the cables and red tapes. But one thing I'm pretty sure of is; if you have real powerful cables, or cables placed at very strategic places, you can actually create red tapes for others not to cross. Or for others to cross for a ..umm.. significant fee. Cool huh?

Anyway, the usage of cables is actually fairly easy. The first rule is; you gotta have cables to use them (like, duhh!). If you do not have any cables, be friends with people who do. They might be able to help. The second rule would be; larger, more powerful cables have larger, more powerful capabilities than smaller, less powerful cables (again, duhh!). And the third rule is; the location of the cables is also important. That is; strategically located cables can help you massively. That, or the respective cables' networking capabilities. An additional rule, if I might add, is that if you have cables, be friends with people who also have cables. You just don't know when who will need what.

And remember, it's not your fault that people who are much more talented and/or hardworking or both did not get the chance you did, it's their fault for not having cables. Now, have a clear conscience and sleep well. Always.

written by a (straight) guy

My late father passed away when I was eleven. Kakda, the eldest amongst us 8 siblings, was to sit for SPM. Ajib, the second, had just finished SRP. He refused to go to school after my father passed away. Not because of sadness or anything. He was the most rebellious amongst us siblings then. I remembered him requesting a motorcycle from Ummi or else he wouldn't go to school. Myself, the third, was unsure of what was to happen next. And there are five others, the three youngest ones unaware of what really happened. We thought we were doomed for sure.

Kakda sat for SPM anyway, got good results and furthered her studies in the UK. She have her own family now; Abang Faish and three children who won't stop asking me questions. Ajib was forced to go to school anyway, even without the motorcycle because we did not have the money. He graduated from Universiti Utara Malaysia with the sweetest smile one could see on a man's face. Ummi said she never saw Ajib happier. Despite his mildly violent nature when growing up -we fought a lot. And he occasionally slapped the four youngest ones- he turned out to be a wonderful husband and father to Kak Ijah and three wonderful children.

I got the chance to enter a boarding school after UPSR. Although it wasn't really smooth sailing for me from there, but the path of sail was a sure one. Dikwal is doing civil engineering, Emi is doing electronics engineering.

And the three youngest ones, they bring the most joy. I remembered them to be so small, when I was in high school, during the holidays when I would be home, sometimes when they slept in front of the TV I'd carry them to their bed (one bed for the three of them). And I remembered when I taught them to perform the solat, Mail would fold the kain pelikat and sejadah exactly the way I do it. And Hamdi was so quick a learner he often surprised me. And of course there's Ajis, the smallest then but with the biggest heart. It was such a joy to watch them grow up, and watch them grow. Now all three of them are taller than me. Hamdi is taking up medic, Mail had just finished SPM and Ajis will sit for his this year.

In the celebration of International Women's Day today, I dedicate this post to Ummi, the strongest woman I've known thus far. We were doomed for sure, but Ummi stayed strong. Alhamdulillah, we managed to go this far. InsyaAllah, I don't think anything can stop us now, from being and achieving things. To all the women in my life, and all women in general, I wish you well in the celebration of the International Women's Day. It seems to me that women in general have an unshakeable will to beat the odds and succeed, and when someone like that have a pure heart, as it is with Ummi, she'll drag everyone along with her. Thank you, Ummi. And to all the women in my life, thank you too.

Let us celebrate International Women's Day with the deserved respect and love towards each other, men and women alike.

mari ke pantai

Monday I went to visit Madam Jannah at the Pantai hospital. Without my ever knowing it, she actually has a cocktail of things inside her body. Wicked, wicked things eating her up. And it's such a pity because she's such a nice person. Apparently, she'd delayed surgery for three years due largely to her teaching duties. This time around, not being able to walk much (she was in a wheelchair), and admitting to aching all over, she actually said she's lucky. Why? Not because the pain is less this time around. Not because she can afford to stay in a private hospital. She said she's lucky because the semester is almost over and that she'd covered everything needed to be covered. Teaching-wise, that is. People like her make teachers seem like angels. I sincerely hope people reading this will pray for a successful surgery and speedy recovery for her.

Anyway, Monday's 'trip' was not without the adventures. I took the (12th) college van and said I needed to go visit somebody in the hospital. Being the Kelab Penyayang advisor, this 'wrongdoing' of mine was overlooked by the college staffs (wrongdoing because the van was supposedly to be used for college matters only). Alas, I filled the petrol with my own money so it's OK (and anyway, the college have four vans now) :p I made the decision to 'kidnap' the van since there were 13 of her students (most of them my former students) wanting to visit her and I deemed it appropriate to give them a lift. And how I felt fulfilled I took this decision! Madam Jannah's face lifted upon seeing her students :) The students actually asked me; "are you embarassed because there's so much of us?" HAHA

We talked, Madam Jannah and us, for hours we didn't notice the time passing. We left Pantai at about 7.30 p.m and since I've an extra class at 8.00 p.m I decided to extend the kidnapping of the van. When I returned the van it was pretty late and people were looking all over for it. HAHA

Anyway, among other things, Madam Jannah told us about the type of foods suitable for different types of blood, which I was unaware of until Monday. Today I googled this and found out that I, the man with blood-type O +ve, should avoid, among others, birth control pills. I'm so dependant on those. Damn.

Anyway, do do research on this, people. Eat right. Live well :)