howtos of love:lessons for beginners

Lesson #01: Loving Yourself
This is the most important lesson in love. It is the simplest and most instinctive, but often people forget the first lesson. Before even thinking about falling in love with someone, one must consider the question:

What do I love about myself?

And this must be done in the most honest and thorough manner possible. What do you love about yourself? What are your strengths? Your shortcomings? It's OK to have weaknesses really. We are only human after all. And sometimes when one have lots of weaknesses it might even be easier to find one's significant other. So understand yourself. Only when one knows oneself fully and thoroughly can one proceed to the next step which is;

Lesson #02: Attraction
Some people keep a list(s) of what their dream partner would be like. There's nothing wrong with that I guess. People like to have some kind of a guideline in looking for 'the one', or 'the significant other' or 'a soulmate'. Whatever you call that person, please remember that the 'characteristics of dream partner' list can never be a complete one. Why? because everyone would put on their list 'favourable' characteristics of people, such as funny, honest, tall, skinny, smooth skin, etc. No one would ever put characteristics such as farts regularly or picks nose in public or has Tourette syndrome or whatever. Now if this is the case, then the list would not be 'characteristics of the person I love' but rather 'characteristics I love in a person'. That means you are attracted to these people, but you do not necessarily love them. Now attraction might very well lead to love, but it is not love. Because;

Lesson #03: Falling In Love
Now if you still remember Lesson #01, you should understand (and apply in your life) that you must love yourself no matter what weaknesses you have. Now this not only applies to yourself, but also everyone else around you. So you might be attracted to people when they have whatever characteristics you put in your 'soulmate list', but when you love someone, you accept them for what they are. You understood whatever shortcomings and weaknesses they have and still you want to be with them. You love them the way they loved themselves (but this is not to say that you don't want them to change for the better).

Additional Notes:
1)One sometimes made the mistake of being obsessed with attraction. One gets attracted to someone and then are willing to tolerate whatever mean things that particular someone does, including not loving oneself the way one loves oneself. When someone claims s/he loves you, s/he is obliged to love you the way you love you. Any less and you should say the magic word: NEXT!

2)However significant someone is, s/he is not you. Sometimes, change is required on both sides in a relationship in order to adapt to each other. But;

3)A significant other who's really significant might only want you to change for the better, but will not want to change you. 'Being a better person' is alive and well but please, please remember Lesson #01

4)Some people have the magical ability of identifying in yourself characteristics you never noticed existed. Characteristics which you love, or made you love yourself more. Some people have the magical ability of making you realize your mistakes and improve yourself (which in turn made you love yourself more) even without saying it directly. Chances are, these people are 'the one'. But these people are rare. Hence 'the one', not 'the dozen' or whatever

5)Friendships are generally much more honest than relationships. If your friend turned out to be 'the one', then you're lucky

6)If you do have a list (of characteristics of 'the one' or whatever), it is wise to keep it short and general. At the end of the day, you might ask yourself; "is the juice worth the squeeze?" Keeping it simple means the 'juice' is clear and easily identifiable. And attainable. So you won't be depressed

7)When one loves another, giving and receiving physical pain is never the way to show it. If your 'the one' causes physical pain, get out of the relationship immediately (except if it's your sexual preference or whatever. The world is a strange place, I understand). Each second you delay means gradually losing your IQ

8)It is wise to be with someone you're comfortable having any kinds of conversations and/or arguments with, and can challenge you in them (conversations and/or arguments). In the long run, this will be very beneficial to the both of you

9)I have a degree in computer science and am a physics teacher, so what I wrote here might be a whole load of crap. But thanks for reading anyway